Chupa

Since by far I have established one fact quite explicit in this blog, that ‘I have nothing else to do’, so to do some research for my future writing, I was surfing through some porn websites (just trying to dignify what I was actually doing).

A pop up appeared, ‘127 women within a five kilometer radius are waiting for you’. I got excited, maximum I had heard of a threesome, this would be legen-wait for it-dary, legendary. I instantly opened the link, a black screen appeared with a question on it.

Will you disclose the identity of the woman?

I answered ‘No’. I don’t kiss and tell­­­ (writing about it is a different thing).

Next question

Do_­­­ you have any STDs?

A)  No

Will you use protection in case sexual intercourse happens? (Happens?? Isn’t that their selling point?)

A)  Yes

It said Congratulations!! You are now just one step away from a life of unlimited pleasure.

It led me to a window where I had to fill my credit card details. Now, for obvious reasons, I couldn’t get a life of ‘unlimited pleasure’. But to check whether this site was legit or not, I went back to the questions, only this time my answers were different.

Will you disclose the identity of the women?

A)  Yes

Do you have any STDs?

A)  Yes

Will you use protection in case sexual intercourse happens?

A)  No

Congratulations!! You are now just one step away from a life of unlimited pleasure.

I pity those 127 women, whose fate is in such wrong hands.

Now back to my mundane life. As you might be well aware, when the blog post changes, the girl being discussed also changes (it is less a matter of choice).

Now, if you amalgamate the characters of Kareena from ‘Jab we met’ and Kangna from ‘Queen’, you will get this girl.

I mean, I haven’t met anyone who is more flamboyant than her, all my life. She is very sorted out and has everything quite figured out in life. Unlike most girls, she doesn’t have unrealistic dreams or infeasible expectations in life. This doesn’t mean that she is an underachiever, she is doing quite well in life. She is independent and excelling in an industry which is basically dominated by men. But the best part is, she is doing it just for the thrill and won’t stick to the industry for long.

We were talking about something, when I said “A lot of guys out here are chupas”.

She said “What?”

I on second thoughts realized that I was talking to a girl and in a condescending tone said “Oh, you don’t know the meaning of chupa. It means idiot.”

She looked at me and smiled. She opened up the phone book in her mobile and showed me that she had actually saved the name of the guy as chupa.  She then said, “Idiot is way too subtle the meaning of the word”.

Till then, I had never met a girl who I wanted to be friends with more desperately than date her. It changed that day.

This doesn’t mean that she is not gorgeous. If you look at her, you’ll feel as if god descended down himself to craft her. Her hair is so lustrous that she can give the models in the shampoo commercials a run for their money.

I was so mesmerized by her looks, that at one point of time she was speaking for at least five minutes, but I don’t know a word she said because I was busy just gazing at her.

And, she is an amazing athlete too. She has represented the country in basketball as well as sprints.

The best part is yet to come.

I have met girls earlier who insisted on going dutch. Well, she is different. She didn’t want to go dutch, she wanted to pay the entire amount. And she wasn’t insisting, she basically snatched the bill from me.

After meeting her, my thoughts about a lot of things changed. You date a beautiful and intelligent girl, it is good for you. You marry her, that is better. But the best thing you can do is, be friends with her in the long run.  

 Later

       Sidhant

I am now a feature columnist in the Indian Economist. You can read some of my articles at 
http://theindianeconomist.com/ignorance-sex-bliss/
http://theindianeconomist.com/will-win-battles-screen/

You can share some incident with me. The incident doesn't need to be pertaining to love and other disasters. It could be any incident from your life which you want to share. Mail me at sid1391990@gmail.com. You can even leave it anonymously in the comments section of the survey.

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