To swipe or not to swipe
It has been over four years since I am writing this blog which by now has over hundred blog posts. Lately, I was retrospecting on the theme of this blog; boy meets girl, boy falls for the aesthetic appeal, girl leaves. There is no significant takeaway and the story is getting too repetitive. In line with my observation, I have decided to change the theme a bit. I will share insights from my dating life (or the lack of it).
So, I have decided to dedicate this post to a rapidly growing trend, the 'dating app dilemma'- to be or not to be is the question. But dating people via online means has been from a long time back, even before such apps existed. I still remember there was a time about a decade ago when Yahoo chatrooms were the buzzing thing on the internet. More than 20% of the adults with smartphones are using or have used dating apps.
An analogy, which was cited to me was that swiping right on a girl's photo is the modern day, tech-enabled equivalent to buying a girl a drink at a bar. The good thing about this approach is that the girl can do the profile check on a guy to figure out his legitimacy, over having an interaction inebriated state with a stranger at the bar. It's easier for guys as well as it saves from the public embarrassment, in case they are turned down. But there is an increase in the lead time and a girl's photos can be quite different from how she looks in person (depends on her ability to photoshop and pout in selfies).
In the quest for 'true love', I recently (four years back) downloaded some dating apps. Just kidding, I was just looking for new content, some basic Freudian needs, and a dopamine rush. These apps get highly addictive, especially for men, because like any other video game, these apps lead to a rush of dopamine.
One moment, you don't even know that someone who existed in this world and the next moment you guys are watching Netflix and chilling.
I figured out that there can be five reasons as to why a girl is on a dating app. First, she is bored and needs some entertainment or had a bad day at work and needs an ego boost. Second, friends are getting married or are in relationships but want some spice and gossip in their boring lives so get her onto the app as some acquaintance met the 'perfect' guy on an app and they lived happily ever after. Third, she is looking for new set of friends or even a relationship as has limited interaction outside her present social circle. Fourth, the family is pressurizing for marriage and arranged dates not working out. Fifth, a recent breakup or existential crisis due to a culture shift and use intimacy as a coping mechanism. These reasons are not mutually exclusive and a girl could be on the app for multiple reasons like seeking her 'prince charming' and friend-zoning the frogs.
Another term which I learned recently because of the dating app 'research' is ghosting. It's quite easy to cut all forms of communication with someone you have met via an app if things don't work out. Nearly 1 out of 3 people using dating apps have said that they have 'ghosted' someone. Dating apps have in a way also led to an increase in casual encounters with different people. It's become like pizza home delivery.
Like many new technologies, dating apps provoke quite a bit of hand-wringing about contemporary life. Are we too dependent on constant validation? Have we lost the ability to connect with other living, breathing humans? Or are we too busy in our work lives to actually filter through in the offline space?
It also depends on why you are in the app world. If it is for 'true love', I am a bit skeptical about the inorganic nature of this approach. If it is for an arranged marriage, then I don't see much of a difference from the matrimonial website except the lead time. If it is for entertainment, then probably there are more engaging means and hurting someone else's emotion might not fetch you good karma. And if it for 'pizza home delivery', then making an effort and making interactions in the offline space would definitely fetch you better results.
So it's your personal call, 'to swipe or not to swipe'?
Later
Sidhant
So, I have decided to dedicate this post to a rapidly growing trend, the 'dating app dilemma'- to be or not to be is the question. But dating people via online means has been from a long time back, even before such apps existed. I still remember there was a time about a decade ago when Yahoo chatrooms were the buzzing thing on the internet. More than 20% of the adults with smartphones are using or have used dating apps.
An analogy, which was cited to me was that swiping right on a girl's photo is the modern day, tech-enabled equivalent to buying a girl a drink at a bar. The good thing about this approach is that the girl can do the profile check on a guy to figure out his legitimacy, over having an interaction inebriated state with a stranger at the bar. It's easier for guys as well as it saves from the public embarrassment, in case they are turned down. But there is an increase in the lead time and a girl's photos can be quite different from how she looks in person (depends on her ability to photoshop and pout in selfies).
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| The standup gig |
One moment, you don't even know that someone who existed in this world and the next moment you guys are watching Netflix and chilling.
I figured out that there can be five reasons as to why a girl is on a dating app. First, she is bored and needs some entertainment or had a bad day at work and needs an ego boost. Second, friends are getting married or are in relationships but want some spice and gossip in their boring lives so get her onto the app as some acquaintance met the 'perfect' guy on an app and they lived happily ever after. Third, she is looking for new set of friends or even a relationship as has limited interaction outside her present social circle. Fourth, the family is pressurizing for marriage and arranged dates not working out. Fifth, a recent breakup or existential crisis due to a culture shift and use intimacy as a coping mechanism. These reasons are not mutually exclusive and a girl could be on the app for multiple reasons like seeking her 'prince charming' and friend-zoning the frogs.
Another term which I learned recently because of the dating app 'research' is ghosting. It's quite easy to cut all forms of communication with someone you have met via an app if things don't work out. Nearly 1 out of 3 people using dating apps have said that they have 'ghosted' someone. Dating apps have in a way also led to an increase in casual encounters with different people. It's become like pizza home delivery.
That being said, I have known people who are in healthy relationships, live-ins and have even got married off dating apps. If one looks from the Indian perspective, such apps aren't much different from the matrimonial sites. The only difference is that there, parents do the swiping.
Like many new technologies, dating apps provoke quite a bit of hand-wringing about contemporary life. Are we too dependent on constant validation? Have we lost the ability to connect with other living, breathing humans? Or are we too busy in our work lives to actually filter through in the offline space? So it's your personal call, 'to swipe or not to swipe'?
Later
Sidhant
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